I only have a couple of minutes here, but I'd like to get in one more entry. Because it's still February, and that is one of my favorite months. I will tell about . . .

The squirrels. You know what happens if you own a house, and you leave a hole in it? When it gets cold, squirrels move in. And they make noise moving around. So eventually people living in the house call you up to take care of the squirrel problem. And you say, What squirrel problem?

And that is because you distinctly remember leaning a ladder against the side of said house in the exact location required to measure said hole-in-house. And you distinctly remember spouse finally climbing said ladder to actually measure said hole while you were doing the thousand other things which needed doing on move-in day. And you distinctly remember cutting the boards to correct dimension. And also priming said boards, so that all you would have to do is bang them onto the house and not worry about painting them until next year. And you remember taking primed boards back to the house, putting the ladder . . .

No, you don't. Because all the measuring, cutting, and priming in the world isn't going to keep squirrels out of that house. Because said boards are sitting in the gararge still waiting to get nailed over the hole.

Hence the squirrel guy.

The squirrel guy is the guy you call when the people are telling you that there is a squirrel hole in the house. The squirrel guy comes out with a live trap to catch said squirrel and take him away. Far, far away. He is supposed to do away with the squirrel, but he said he really doesn't have the heart, and he drives them half way to Iowa and just lets them go.

Nice squirrel guy.

End of problem.

Until you watch Animal Planet and see the episode of Animal Police where the officers in NYC are arresting people for being the squirrel guy in NYC (without a permit, I think in NYC you need a permit to even think about squirrels actually) and NEVER CHECKING THE TRAP! So that a live trap becomes a death trap for poor little squirrel and sends mean cameramen to your neighborhood filming you being a bad squirrel guy going to squirrel jail.

After watching that one episode it's hard not to think that there may be a squirrel getting death-trapped at the house. Because after all, who is really going to check the thing EVERY morning? But it has been below zero temps around here for sometime, though now it's getting warm enough for flood warnings, and you really don't want to freeze a squirrel to death in a death trap attached to your house.

The good news is that two squirrels were caught, no other ones are in the hole, and the hole is now closed up.

The bad news is that it cost almost $200, all because I forgot to nail up the squirrel hole boards on time last fall.

But at least I wasn't on Animal Planet as a squirrel badguy. And i didn't have to go to squirrel jail.

Well, today was one of the busiest days in recent years, work-wise. Too many things to do, too many meetings (that I set up myself) with tooo many things to do.

Oh yeah. And youngest turned 18.

So I got home at 8:30 p.m. and he is at a friend's. I guess I will see him in a bit. It's about 9:15 right now. We already took him out to dinner with girlfriend on Saturday night. He got an I-Pod nano which is about the size of a postage stamp but plays stacks of CDs from its miniature memory. Over 1000 songs. Another $50 buys ten times that capacity. Are there really 10,000 songs worth listening to?

Then I remembered I got him a book. I got it for him about three years ago. So sometimes these things slip your mind. When I bought it I was saving it for his 18th birthday. It's a photo book from a nature photographer.

How would you like to have this travel schedule?

Feb. 25 Germany

Feb. 27 Italy

March 2 Germany

March 3 Czech Republic

March 5 Hungary

March 6 Austria

March 9 Denmark

March 11 Norway

March 12 Sweden

March 14 Finland

March 17 Netherlands

March 18 UK

Those are the dates at the end of Shakira's European Tour. She spent almost all of Feb in Germany and Switzerland, but now it looks like the whirlwind calendar of one date in each country. Can't disappoint those fans.

I am hoping that when she is done she feels the need to kick back and relax on a small Caribbean island for the rest of March. Makes sense to me.

Anyone who wants to take the chill off with a heart-warming good February story, go over and click on Stalking Shiny in my Links. It's the story of Rocas's relentless search for the love of his life from 7th grade on.

Courtesy of Vallerie (see friends)

1) What side of the heart do you draw first?

the outside

2) Can you dive without plugging your nose?

barely, but I have a snorkel mask and that does a nice job for me

3) What color is your razor?

any color but red and I'm fine

4) What is your blood-type?

red, and i got an A in blood-typing. Yes, I am positve!

5) Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?

her name starts with an S

7) How do you feel about carrots?

like 'em both raw and cooked

8) How many chairs at the dining room table?

4

9) Which is the best Spice Girl?

poultry seasoning girl, she makes excellent stuffing even though all she can do is hum & she did not make the final cut for the ACTUAL spice girls

10) Do you know what time it is?

on the atomic scientist clock I believe it is only about four minutes until midnight. Spooky.

12) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator?

Iwould get to know the others on board and attempt to keep peole from panicking, I'm just like that

13) What's your favorite kind of gum?

anything minty

14) T or F: All's fair in love and war?

definitely false, poison gas for one is never fair, poison ivy in the shorts either

15) Do you have a crush on anyone?

only superficially

16) Do you use words that you don't know the meaning to?

indubitably

17) Do you like to sleep?

I love sleep

18) Do you know which US states don't use Daylight Savings?

parts of Indiana, I believe

19) Do you know the song Total Eclipse of the Heart?

Bonnie Tyler, from early 80s? never heard of it

20) Do you want a bright yellow '06 mustang?

only if I can trade it

21) What's something you've always wanted?

the ability to tell a joke in front of an audience , I always stumble at just the wrong moment

22) Do you have hairy legs?

pretty much, yeah, but in a good way, not too gross or anything

23) What does "Semper Fidelis" stand for?

we always kick butt

24) Would you rather swim in the ocean or a lake?

probably ocean as long as i know there's no jellyfish or anything stinging, but I love lakes as well. I am thinking warm ocean by the way

25) Do you wear a lot of black?

no, though I wear a black leather jacker in the winter, and i often wear a black T-shirt, but not a lot of other clothes(wait, I meant i don't wear a lot of other types of black garments, not that i wear a black T-shirt without anything else on!)

26) Describe your hair?

it's still there

27) Do you have Entomophobia?

probably

28) Are you an adult?

and one day older every day, the alternative i find unpleasant

29) Who is/are your best friend(s)?

I have some good co-worker friends & am particularly close to my brother, but my BEST friend is also my lover, my life partner and my only confidante

30) Do you have a tan?

actually i have been tanning for several weeks this winter and we are going to the tropics in March, but ordinarily No

31) Are you a television addict?

mostly movies and sports

32) Do you enjoy spending time with your mother?

what do you mean by the word enjoy? . . . seriously? almost always

33) Are you a sugar freak?

I consider it perfectly normal, thank you

34) Do you like orange juice?

I was born in Florida. Next question?

35) What sign are you?

Merging Traffic

36) Where do you wish you were right now?

If i could be anywhere? hmmm . . . . I wish i could climb Aconcogua in S America and this would be a perfect time of year

37) Who did you copy this from?

Vallerie

38) How do you know them?

Blogging

39) Have you kissed anyone in the past week?

I never kiss just anyone, but in the past week, hmmm, . . . lovely appreciative hug from co-worker friend, but no kiss . . . no family get-togethers with aunts, etc . . . nope, except for my best friend of course, because we did go to that little B & B hideaway and all

40) What are your plans for the weekend?

my youngest son's 18th birthday

and I have to do 8 miles on the treadmill

and I have a big meeting to prepare for

and possible drive middle son back to college, if he makes it home for his brother's birthday

Remember when I wrote about the fact that I am one of the world's worst typists? And that I have to spend a LOT of time going back to correct mistakes?

And remember when I wrote about people stopping by my site on various inane google-powered searches for ridiculous topics that somehow relate to two words that I once mentioned in the same breath? Sort of mentioned within a mile of each other? And then it turns out that someone, for some reason, is searching for information on exactly that topic?

(BTW I get an inordinate amount of people looking for info on The Devil Went Down to Georgia. You don't suppose they are actual devil-worshippers looking for him, do you? But I digress.)

And remember when I wrote about beautiful spouse having surgery last year at the medical inn with the hyperactive nursing staff and the good coffecake?

Well . . .

today I checked on my visitations (just for fun & because I am kind of compulsive about it) and someone was looking for info on hysterectomy and sexuality. And I came up as the NUMBER TWO REFERENCE in the entire world on the topic of hysterectomy and sexuality!!

Or, wait, it actually said SEXUALTY, which isn't even a word. Ha, they misspelled sexuality!

Then I realized that if the search engine came up with my reference I must have misspelled it too. So I checked.

Yep, there it was. Totally misspelled.

So. I no longer think I am the world's second most respected authority on hysterectomy and sexuality.

Which is good, considering that all my research was done on a limited sample.

In the spirit of all good reporting (of the Man-bites-dog sort) I have absolutely nothing to report about the weekend. At the B & B. With the king size bed. And the view of the frozen lake. And the eons of time stretching onward with nothing to do. Ab-so-lutlely nothing to do. Oh, and the giant in-room soaking tub. Basically nothing to report that is not boring and repetitive and certainly NOT news of any sort.

Then again, there was the girl at the bar. Now that may qualify as news.

The two most notable events of my weekend away with spouse both occurred within nanoseconds of each other. We were waiting for a table for a late dinner, sitting in the entry area of the B & B inn where we were staying overnight. It’s a semi-dressy place, so I had a sport coat on and spouse was wearing a dress. There’s a fireplace with a brick chimney that goes up a couple of stories, and we were sitting in front of the fireplace. We were exchanging cards and presents (I got her a couple of books and a movie DVD, and she got me an amazing present which I will get to in a minute. OK, maybe several minutes.)

Three people walked into the place, and I couldn’t help notice them (though I was totally NOT staring). Two were businessman-looking guys in their 60s or maybe later 50s. The other person was a strikingly attractive woman, maybe 30, maybe not. She was wearing a sweater and cargo pants (as an aspiring writer I carefully noticed this detail later, without staring, but I am filling you in right now because this is the best time to introduce character descriptions while you are still forming a mental image. Speaking of mental images, she was very good-looking, so whatever image you have right now, just crank it up about two more notches. Long blond hair, very pretty, subtle make-up, great smile, I think she had a really nice body too but i wasn't staring so i'm not that sure) and she glanced around when she walked in like someone who hadn’t been there before and was checking it out.

After a few more minutes we were going into the bar to have a drink while waiting. Beautiful spouse wanted to stop into our room upstairs to get something, so I went into the bar alone. The threesome had just come in also, so I moved to the end of the bar where there were several empty seats. She smiled and made eye contact. Then she asked me if I wanted to sit where she had just put her bag, because she wasn’t planning on sitting there, she was just going to stand.

Now. Before I go ANY further let me make it clear that attractive women who are with someone never make eye contact at a bar. Let alone initiate a conversation. (Unattractive women that are with someone never do either). I have always figured that women don’t make eye contact at a bar, because they don’t want guys like me (I appeared to be alone at the time) hitting on them for the rest of the night. I told her that I was fine where I was, don’t worry about the bag.

Beautiful spouse walked in, didn’t notice anything unusual, (not being a writer, she is often oblivious to these things), and we chatted for about ten to fifteen minutes. Meanwhile the two older guys accompanying the gorgeous young lady are trying to impress her with ordering drinks and appetizers at the bar. She seemed the sort that wouldn’t be that easy to impress, so it was taking a while. You might be thinking that I was just slightly distracted from our conversation, but no, I was totally listening, when, while spouse was caught mid-sentence with some very important point that she was about to make, the bag that had been occupying the next seat over plopped up onto the bar, making room to sit down. Apparently she was staying.

I looked at the bag. It was a very large black leather women's bag. Inordianately large for someone to be carrying while having a drink at a bar, and my mind said to me (who else would it say it to?), “She’s a professional escort, and they’re all getting to know one another. She’s carrying her supplies with her just in case she needs some things later.” That is what my mind was trying to say, but it was actually saying, "Oh my God!!"

Spouse was giving me the "What's up now??" look. (BTW that's a very forgivng look, and I will always be grateful for that, because there really are a lot of looks. And that is not at all a bad one.) So I leaned close to her ear and whispered, "I think she's a call girl." It may have sounded like, "I think she's a tall girl." because all she said was "Who?"

Now I must digress for just a second. Just to point out one subtle distinction between the genders, one that is so enjoyable and charming. And that is that I was absolutely shocked that she had no idea who I was talking about, or that there was even a woman in the next bar stool, probably less than a foot away from her own bar stool. There is no way that any guy would have been unaware of this. But I had to do the eyebrow thing, whwre you just cock your head a bit and raise the eyebrows, saying, You're going tohave to glance over because i really can't say anything more right now. Eyebrow language worked even better than whispering and she caught on to what I was saying.

Then the rest of the evening (after we were seated at tables soemwhat near each other but not close enough that you could tell what was going on at all) we kept thinking about that was going on, and what was going to happen next.

Now comes the most frustrating part for any reasonable reporter. You're going to want know, "Well?? Was she??"

And all I can say is, I wish I had stared.

Oh. And the present.

Tickets to the Caribbean. March.

No, we are not forming a rhythm and blues band. Just rest and relaxation overnight at a bed & breakfast inn. It is beautiful spouse's favorite place in the universe, and I like it too. I like it mostly because she likes it.

There is a restaurant that overlooks a small (frozen) lake, and it's only about two hours from home. We usually try to go in February, so she looks forward to it all winter. Me too.

Don't drool on your keyboards too much, it makes a mess.

Happy Valentine's Day to all!

I was thinking of trying to whip up something light and frothy to post for Valentine's Day. But how about a small dose of reality instead?

Last Saturday we spent the day visiting a major Midwestern university. I guess it was a mission of mercy. Middle son broke up with girlfriend about two weeks ago, and he has been miserable. He lives on a floor in a residence hall, so all of his peers (seniors) have moved away to apartments near campus. He is the RA on the floor, so he can’t talk to anyone where he lives (except his supervisor, of course, and he doesn’t get along with him THAT well).

Beautiful spouse and I both had very mixed feelings about the whole break-up situation, because we both liked girlfriend. And we kind of had the feeling that a lot of the 'relationship stuff" was probably more his fault than hers. How could we be so disloyal, you ask? Well, he used to live at our house.

Speaking of our house, she was at our house for three days over the Christmas break in December, and we have known her for over a year. Very cool person and very good for him in many ways. But after a first break-up, and a subsequent getting-back-together, things were never the same. So he decided that stuff would never work out, that she was not the person he would ever have a future with, and that better now than waiting. So he told her that. And he regretted it immediately.

So Saturday we went to Panera for lunch and sat and talked for a couple of hours. Then we went to SuperTarget for some off-campus shopping. (She always had access to a car, so now he is without wheels, too.)

He doesn’t always see things the way others see them. Example: he read this book last year called Emotional Quotient, I believe, something about looking at people’s nonverbal messages, and how people misconstrue what is really going on, and how communication problems can impact so many things, really basic communications stuff. It was a really good book for him to read, and he was totally into it, and you could tell that a lot of it was pretty new information.

We talked about the book, and then at one point he said that she (girlfriend) should really read this book, because she wasn’t that good at communicating. Beautiful spouse and I exchanged glances on that one, because this girl could communicate the skin off a rabbit. She is one of those total-listeners, that when they are with someone they just completely wrap up in the two-way channels. I know that people like that always amaze me, and I kind of considered her a rare talent in that regard. So we both think he was way off with that assessment.

So, then, you kind of go, "What other assessments was he way off about?"

But, of course, we don’t say anything like that to him, we just kind of listen and try to look at things from his perspective.

One of his problems is that girls like him. I never really had a lot of problems like that, so it isn't easy for me to relate. But I think he can be very cavalier and sometimes downright nasty. He doesn't really realize he is being this way. They still like him. So how does he ever pick up the subtle ins-and-outs that take a close relationship to the next level? Maybe just by struggling through it.

We're snowbound where I am. Travel advisories, winter storm warning, 300 cancellations at OHare.

So I thought I would share a favorite recipe.

INGREDIENTS (that's not an easy word to spell BTW, I think I looked at it three different times, why don't we just call it STUFF?)

1. Italian beef from a good italian beef place in the Chicago area (those not blessed with a good Italian beef place, use your imagination to picture something spicy and tender and very juicy, drippy actually with meat juices, but DO NOT just substitute regular old roast beef, it's totally different)

2. Bottled beer, make sure it's cold. Not frozen, just cold.

(Go ahead and get the good stuff, like a Sam Adams, a Heineken, a Grolsch, a Goose Island microbrew, something with some flavor)

3. If you grabbed a Bud and you think that's good enough, just put it back, get yourself to the store and get the good stuff

4. If you can just twist the cap off? It's not the good stuff

5. Bottle opener

Mine looks like a little gecko lizard and lives on my keychain. It's not real obvious that it IS a bottle opener, because you kind of use the one leg and the tail so it actually looks like a keychain decoration that has no function, but it is TOTALLY functional.

6. If this is for dinner, you better get some salad stuff too. I DON'T CARE what you put in it, just whatever you like the best.

STEP ONE

Use the bottle opener to pop open the beer. Taste it just a little.

STEP TWO

Make sure you have sweet peppers for the Italian beef, I forgot that part.

STEP THREE

Put giant hunks of italian beef on some good bread to make a nice drippy sandwich

STEP FOUR

What do you mean, i never mentioned anything about bread? That's OBVIOUS!

STEP FIVE

Take a pretty big bite of the sandwich, and make sure you get some of the peppers in that first bite.

STEP SIX

Drink some beer. Don't drink the whole thing all at once though. Because the sandwich is kind of tasty, and you're going to want some beer left at the very end.

STEP SEVEN

Finish up everything, then throw the mess away so nobody gets mad at you for leaving it around the kitchen. Recycle the beer bottle though.

STEP EIGHT

Clean up the salad stuff, too. Just because it's salad stuff doesn't mean that it's somebody else's job to clean it up for you. Yeah, but she might want a salad later. And then she'll have to get it all out all over again. She's a big girl, she can handle it.

The following are updates and further additions on several recent topics:

1. Sunday night

Are they bonkers??? Tony Bennett? Stevie Wonder? And they call themselves an Academy? Doesn't that imply they know something?

2. But, on the other hand, how 'bout them Dixie Chicks?

I'm not enough of a CW fan to ever listen to them, really.

3. Mary J. Blige can sing

4. And I liked when the camera (on an audience shot) cut directly from Christina Aguilera who looked as if she spent the week at the spa getting ready for the "red carpet event" to James Blunt, who forgot to comb his hair. That was classic.

5. Running

I am still a gazelle. 7 treadmill miles. One solid hour, mostly running with a couple of walk breaks for a minute or two. The only problem is that the treadmills are programmed to suddenly go to "cool down mode" at precisely 60 minutes and 00 seconds.

6. That's not cool down! That's lose your balance, stumble wildly, and twist your ankle landing on the floor.

7. Fortunately, during gazelle season things like that don't happen.

8. Frozen beer update for the curious

I think the brewing rule about no freezing is because freezing allows skimming of ice, hence increases alcohol % in remaining brew. I am not positive about that, but I think that is the reason. It's OK in Canada though, eh?

9. We have reservations in June to fly from Amsterdam to London to meet a certain couple of elderly-vintage for a week of touring round somewhere in Britain. Driving on the wrong side of the road type touring. So much for dodging bullets. I should have watched those Matrix movies a bit closer.

I hope I don't get in trouble for revealing this, but: it's been really cold around here for the past couple of weeks.

HOW COLD HAS IT BEEN?

Thanks for asking. It's been so cold that beer sitting in my kitchen froze.

We had company last weekend for the Superbowl (if you haven't heard? Bears lost & some other team won). Well,it wasn't really company, just oldest son. So I bought some beer, and he brought some over, and it wouldn't all fit in the fridge, so I set a six-pack next to the sliding glass door that leads outdoors to our patio. It was not in contact with the glass, just maybe less than an inch from it. Six bottles.

Then later in the week (yes, the beer was still sitting there, hey, just listen to the story, . . . I saw that eye-roll!! . . . ) and since our kitchen table is right next to the sliding door, guess what? It was PRETTY CONVENIENT to have a small beer cooler right next to the table. So I reached down, grabbed a cold one, remarked, "Wow this is pretty cold." Then popped the cap off and it fizzed out as if it had been shaken, and I looked more closely and . . . THE CENTER OF THE BOTTLE WAS A SOLID LUMP OF FROZEN BEER!

Now, that's cold!

Now what about that getting-in-trouble part? Well, I happen to know it's illegal to freeze your beer, because one time we ran into another couple in a small bar in northern Minnesota during canoeing season and she was a chemist for Anheuser-Busch in St. louis and I was drinking Molson Ice and we started chatting about . . . beer. (What else would you chat about if you met a beer chemist in a bar?) While our kids were playing (I use the term loosely) pool together, she told me that her company had been trying to create an ice-beer but that the American brewing laws do not allow taking the beer to freezing. But in that good old American can-do spirit the laws don't say that you can't get DANGED CLOSE TO FREEZING while brewing, so they were taking the beer to within a few hundredths of a degree of 32 and trying to get as close as possible to the Canadian ice brew taste.

So that's how I know you're not supposed to freeze beer. Unless you're in Canada. Which in a way makes a lot of sense.

Don't tell anybody, OK?

(But if I do get caught? Because the weatherman said this cold snap is the longest sustained period of below-freezing temps in these parts in the past 23 years, I plan to use the Standard All-Purpose Defense: it wasn't my fault.)

No fighting! No fighting!

Latest word is that the Grammy Awards program (Sunday evening in LA) will be enhanced by Shakira and Wyclef performing live a certain song in the category of Duet Performance by Performers Who Do Not Ordinarily Perform Together Except That They Ran Into One Another at the Airport and Both Went, Hey, We Should Do Something Together, Which Then Went on to Become the Biggest World-Wide Hit of Last Summer With the Most Radio Airtime of Any Song Ever Recorded.

Should be good.

If there is anyone left on the planet who has NOT seen it yet, you can click on the Link at left called Music Video.

Their opponents in this category include:

(For a collaborative performance, with vocals, by artists who do not normally perform together. Singles or Tracks only.)

For Once In My Life

Tony Bennett & Stevie Wonder Track from: Duets: An American Classic [RPM Records/Columbia]

One

Mary J. Blige & U2 Track from: The Breakthrough [Geffen/Matriarch Records]

Always On Your Side

Sheryl Crow & Sting Track from: Wildflower [A&M Records]

Promiscuous

Nelly Furtado & Timbaland Track from: Loose [Geffen/Mosley Music Group]

Hips Don't Lie

Shakira & Wyclef Jean Track from: Oral Fixation Vol. 2 [Epic]

I signed up on-line for a half-marathon. It's not until the first weekend of May, so that means that for the next several weeks I will be running the half-marathon in gazelle-like strides. As the actual date approaches I will be transformed from gazelle to wildebeest to lumbering water buffalo, and finally to bleached unrecognizable skeleton. But the first few gazelle weeks of training are the most fun.

It's during these weeks that you convince yourself that all your goals will be met, that you will surpass any previous personal records, and that you will even be challenging for the age-division trophies.

In the back of my mind lurk memories of later training weeks (a.k.a. weaks), when the calendar has buzzed by devouring any built-in "rest days." Have you ever noticed a shipment of brand new cars on one of those car-carrier trucks, all the same model just different colors shining brightly at you? That's what rest days look like when you pencil them into your "training schedule."

Have you ever visited a junk yard looking for cheap automotive parts? That's what the training schedule eventually turns into, just a mad scramble to salvage some vestige of fitness, before the Day of Inevitability arrives.

I shouldn't have too much trouble with the course itself though. It's an out-and-back course that is pretty much flat, but it's on one of those rail-to-trail type paths, which can be nasty if you don't realize there is a 1% or so grade sometimes. I have ridden a bike on one of those before where the grade was so subtle as to be unnoticeable to the eye, but you feel like you're just dying, and of course you think it's you because you can't see anything going on with the trail. If I remember I should try to find out if this one has any grade to it at all. I should probably find out now during a gazelle week, instead of forgetting about it and wandering deliriously through the elephant's graveyard of good intentions. (Don't worry, I have an entire savannah of African landscape similes, I won't run out.)

There. I just penciled it into the training schedule, "Find out about trail."

Half-marathon is a great distance with a lousy name. It kind of sounds like you signed up for a marathon, but had to bow out half-way through, or you sprained your ankle or something. But, no, it's literally half of a full marathon distance, a bit over 13 miles.

I've done one a couple of times before. And survived.

The first one that I ran I had the benefit of "Full Spousal Support." Something to do with middle son graduating high school later that day. "If you can't walk for the rest of the day, I'll finish you off myself," which of course just naturally motivates a guy to try his best. I finished in 2:03:17, but since everyone is told not to have a time goal on their first experience, "just go out and have fun," I naturally didn't time myself, or make a time goal of two hours, or anything stupid like that.

Fortunately (for my health) my period of total incapacity following the race lasted only about 45 minutes or so. I was just laying on the grass, looking up at the blue sky, and thanking all the powers of the universe for letting me live. Then I hobbled to a car, drove home, showered, and pretended I was still alive. By the actual graduation time later in the afternoon everything was fine. If by fine you mean that I was able to walk into the school gym, climb the bleachers, and sit with leg cramps while the speakers went slowly through the entire alphabet of Seniors.

Knowing that I was lucky to survive the first time, I cleverly signed up for the same race again the next year, but had some knee problems. The main problem was that my knees were attached to my legs. If it wasn't for that I would have been fine. It impacted my training schedule. Of course I had a training schedule! If by training you mean running around on sore knees. And if by schedule you mean looking at a calendar and going, "Man, I only have five weeks left! But I can still do it."

So my second half-marathon did not go as well as the first one had. In the second race I benefited from "Additional Full Spousal Support." It was even more support than the first time. This time support sounded like, "If you're going to kill yourself, don't expect me to come watch you do it."

That race I finished slightly slower than the first one. But I did finish. And there were a lot of people cheering for me at the finish line. It really didn't matter that much that a large percentage of them were orthopedic surgeons. It was the thought that counted.

As the date draws near I will probably blog again with a few more details. Like the name of the funeral home and the hours of visitation.

Well, I guess I have just about given up hope for some kind of reversal of the Superbowl game final results.

When Floyd Landis won the Tour de France his championship was stripped from him when he failed the doping test after the race was over. I was just hoping that something like that would happen to the Colts. Some kind of technicality.

Too much steroid use.

Or not enough.

Too may "honorary captains" standing around on the field for the coin flip, there were about forty guys out there!

Too many commercials for a certain star quarterback (who had no Superbowl rings) compared to their field goal kicker (who had three, now four!)

Too many guys named Manning on the field at once (the Bears have two on defense, Ricky and Danniele).

Too much rain on game day.

Too much Prince-singing of non-Prince-songs.

Commercials not creative enough.

Anything!!!

It's about 9:00 a.m. on Superbowl Sunday.

How am I feeling? Thanks for asking: jittery and keyed up already. Is it a good thing to be a sports fan? I don't know, I don't know. I only have four brain cells NOT thinking about the Superbowl right now. And three of those are thinking about real maple syrup, which I just had at breakfas.

Bit of Superbowl history: just seven teams have accounted for winning more than half of all the Superbowl games ever played: the 49ers (5-0), the Steelers (5-1), and the Cowboys (5-3) have won five each. Fortunately, they aren't playing today, although the Steelers won last year's game.

There are four teams that have won three times each: the Packers (3-1), the Raiders (3-2), the Patriots (3-2), and the Redskins (3-2).

That's a combined 27 Superbowl wins for those seven teams. The Bears are 1-0, while the Colts are 1-1.

For a fun, and funny, Superbowl blow-by-blow prediction go to Elliot Kolb's HBO link which is at the bottom of my linkks, at left. His first prediction is that Billy Joel will spare the palm trees and arrive at Dolphins Stadium without incident. He is singing the national anthem.

. . . in our hearts and minds for a long, long time!

I'm a Bears fan. Championship memories tend to linger a bit. For example, I had lunch with my two uncles about a week ago, conversation turned to the Bears within fifteen seconds of sitting down, and I asked them about memories of the Bears' championship season.

1963.

I was a small child back in those hallowed days of Halas. One uncle remembered Larry Morris as one of the game's MVPs. He was a relatively obscure linebacker who made a key interception during the game, setting up a Bears touchdown. (I believe Dave Whitsell had the other one, in a game the Bears won 14-10 over the NY Giants.) I asked them about the Bears beating the Colts during that season, it was about 52-7 or something. One of my uncles remembered that game, but also said that the Colts beat the Bears by a similar lop-sided score the following year when the Colts won the NFL championship.

This was back in the days when the Bears played their games at Wrigley Field. My uncles had season tickets for years, but gave them up when the Bears moved to Soldier Field, because going to a football game became an all-day event, due to parking and so forth. (Wrigley Field was close to the neighborhood and they could get there on CTA in a few minutes.)

So, my point is that, for good or bad, what happens in this upcoming Superbowl in Florida will live forever in Chicago.

Fortunately, this team has not produced a shufflin' video with which to embarass themselves twenty years later.

I have noticed that to fans of the female gender that video has a place in their hearts similar to . . . I don't know, going to a concert, maybe. I think most "true" Bears fans would rather forget it. (It's been played a lot around this market over the past couple of weeks. I've had to avert my eyes more than once.)

So what is my prediction for the game, you ask? I am predicting a close game, one of the better Superbowls. First half score will be like maybe 10-10, something very close, and the game will be decided in the second half.

Bears may win. If they do, Devin Hester will set up at least one Bears touchdown with a return of some kind. Manning will throw a couple of touchdowns, but also a couple of interceptions. I think Urlacher will get one if the Bears win the game. And Bears special teams, especially Brad Maynard and Robbie Gould, will come through big time.

However, the Colts may win. I don't have strong feeling about this game like I did about the Saints game that got the Bears to the Superbowl. The Colts will have to neutralize the Bears special teams to win. And i think the Colts runners will be the key to the game. If they gain consistent yardage, and the Bears cannot take them out of the game the way that they did with the Saints' Deuce McAllister, then the Bears will not be able to win.

So, bottom line? I hesitate to say this, but: Colts 24- Bears 16.

But, I hope I am way off on this one!

1. Last year,

2. I became a fan of a certain Ms. Mubarek.

3. February 2 is her birthday. She turns 30.

4. For anyone who has no idea who I am writing about:

5. (Because I HAVE met several people lately who have never heard of even her first name!)

6. She is a rock/pop singer and performer

7. From Columbia,

8. (As in South America).

9. She sings in Spanish and English

10. (But better in Spanish)

11. And she dances.

12. No language required for that one.

13. Before last year?

14. I had heard of Shakira, but didn’t know who she is at all. (if you feel the same go ahead and click on the Link at left)

15. But I don't listen to the radio all that much, and I hadn't heard anything of hers, plus she doesn't get much air-time on the stations I normally listen to.

16. I had lumped her together with all of the other 20-something pop stars

17. Which means I couldn’t distinguish one from the other.

18. But then . . . I started to get into Fiona Apple

19. Who I first liked because of a cover article featuring her with Sheryl Crow (in Entertainment Weekly) detailing her friendship with Sheryl Crow

20. EW went on and on about her, and I thought, Hmmmm . . .

21. Maybe Fiona has some talent.

22. Because I had also grouped HER with all of the 20-something pop stars.

23. The unfortunate thing was:

24. Beautiful spouse did not share ANY of my enthusiasm

25. (except for Extraordinary Machine, the one Fiona song she likes).

26. So . . . as revenge, really . . .

27. I told her that if she didn't like the bluesy melancholy of Fiona (mostly piano-pounding minor key stuff) then I would buy something more UPBEAT and ENERGETIC for her to listen to while we drive:

28. I bought Shakira,

29. Laundry Service, her first English-language CD.

30. (I think it is usually considered the worst Shakira effort, but I didn't know that.)

31. She liked it!

32. Then I happened on a good article about her

33. (Shakira, not my spouse),

34. And I found out that that she had won several Grammys (Latin categories),

35. That she has an IQ somewhere around 150

36. And that she speaks five languages,

37. that she has her own production company in order to keep control of her musical destiny.

38. And that she is probably the most popular female singer on the planet, not counting Madonna

39. Who I never count. (Partly because of the way she is raising her children in a military compound she calls Home,

40. and partly because, well, because she's from Detroit,

41. but lives in London, not that I have anything against London, or for that matter, Detroit.)

42. Also, I don’t like her music all that much.

43. And I don’t think performing a pop song while hanging on a cross is a good message to the world. She just might be a little me-centric, you think?

44. But I digress

45. (and there goes THAT resolution, if you have been keeping track)

46. Shakira is from Columbia, but not the coffee-growing “Juan Valdez” highlands.

47. She is from their large port city on the Caribbean coast,

48. Barranquilla. (see full moon over Barranquilla, Link at left)

49. (I think she also has a house in the Bahamas now. Probably for tax reasons.)

50. In contrast to Madonna, I figure she is still close to HER parents, because I have seen her Live (in Rotterdam) DVD and there is a documentary video in the special features. Shakira is screaming in pain

51. (very South-American screaming, i.e. a little over-the-top)

52. (this is at some point in her 2003 world tour where the dance moves had deteriorated into tendinitis)

53. (Did I mention she dances?)

54. But my point is

55. Her Mom is attending to her in a loving and Mom-is-here kind of way.

56. So, apparently, she is at least on speaking terms with her Mom. Besides being, IQ-wise, rather brilliant as song-writing-pop-sensations go

57. (For instance, compared to a certain American pop sensation who goes by the initials B.S. but who shall remain here otherwise nameless)

58. Shakira's five languages, I learned, are:

59. Spanish (which she, famously, “makes a man want to speak”)

60. And Portuguese, which both make perfect sense, her being South American,

61. But also, Arabic (her Dad is Lebanese, her Mom Columbian)

62. And Italian.

63. And English, which she apparently learned on purpose, to further her career.

64. She began working with Michael Estefan (as in Gloria Estefan’s husband) in Miami, making music for the North American market.

65. Because non-Latino Americans don’t listen to songs in Spanish.

66. We punch radio buttons.

67. So now she is writing in English

68. Anyone that does THAT becomes, in the music industry, a cross-over "sensation” when they get their first hit in English.

69. (Even though she has been recording since she was 15.)

70. "Cross-over sensation"

71. As in Ricky Martin.

72. So we had one CD (Laundry Service, in English) and at that point I had only seen ONE video, one time

73. Did I mention that she dances?

74. I had caught the Hips Don't Lie video at some point last summer. (I know: it was HUGE, but I don't watch music videos on television.)

75. Then when I bought her Fijacion Oral, Vol 1, her 2005 CD that just won Latin Grammys

76. In, I think, five different categories,

77. I caught the La Tortura video, which came with that CD as a special feature. La Tortura was an enormous world-wide hit.

78. And the video?

79. Let's just say. . . no one will ever be able to chop vegetables in my kitchen ever again.

80. So . . .

81. When I found out that she would be appearing (world tour) ONE night at United Center

82. I knew Beautiful Spouse would NOT want to go. So . . . naturally, I bought tickets without asking her.

83. It was a great, fun concert

84. (And that little adventure is detailed in a write-up back in August called “But the tickets fib a little,” see Best of Gord, at left)

85. And Shakira is immensely genuine and crowd-appealing,

86. And she has a lot of fun running all over the stage,

87. And talking to fans (girls) in her audience,

88. And playing guitar and drums,

89. And did I mention that she dances?

90. And that she is international ambassador for UNICEF?

91. And that she has a charitable foundation supporting displaced children of violence-torn Columbia?

92. Called Pies Descalzos? (see Link at left)

93. Meaning Barefoot

94. (Which is how she performs,

95. And also the title of her first big Latin American CD.

96. Back in the 90s.)

97. So, Happy Birthday, Shakira!